What is Networking?

Four kids hanging out together in the garden

If you ask someone if they are good at networking, they tend to get that deer in the headlights look. What I wish I had learned 20 years ago when I was graduating with my MLIS (how is it possible that it has been 2 decades already?????) was that networking is about two things:

1. Relationship Building
2. Storytelling

Like you, I have had relationships with people my entire life. I didn’t know it, but I could form a network pretty easily just by building up relationships.

When I would be genuinely curious and ask someone about a project they were working on, I was building that relationship and creating a network. Some relationships never went anywhere and that’s ok. Some have deepened over time; those are the people I turn to when I need to bounce an idea off of someone or need to talk through a problem. Others are more acquaintances, but ones that I know I can call on if I have a question. All of these people are now part of my network, and I am part of theirs.

Taking the time to be genuinely curious about the people around you and building those relationships will get you a network whether you are seeking to create one or not.

But you also need to be able to be a good storyteller. I love numbers. But most people do not love numbers the way I do (their loss). Psychologists and researchers have found that stories stick better in people’s brains than numbers. When you need to convey information, sharing it in a story is always going to be better than just giving someone a bunch of numbers. Stories also build relationships.

For instance, if I told you that over 40 million adults in the U.S. have anxiety disorders and that many of them have struggled even more with their disorder over the past two years as a result of the pandemic, you would maybe think “Oh, that’s sad.” and go on with your life.

If, on the other hand, I told you that I have battled an anxiety disorder over the past 20 years and the pandemic not only ramped up my stress level, but made my anxiety disorder go into overdrive, causing me to almost burn out while trying to run a library during a pandemic, you might think, “Oh that’s sad.” but then also think about what you know of me as a person and how that might have impacted me as an individual. The story became more relatable.

Then, if I went on to tell you that there is a great program that we are trying to get people to take called Mental Health First Aid that helps people experiencing mental health challenges get help and reduce the stigma of mental health disorders, you might be a tad more interested than if I had only told you 40 million Americans have anxiety disorders.

When you tell a story, you are forging a connection between yourself and the other person. This will help you build relationships and in turn your network.

So what is networking? It is relationship building.

Why are people passive aggressive?

Photo of red haired woman in striped shirt with hands on her head yelling by Julien L on Unsplash

A fellow director was telling me about an interaction between two staff. It was snowing and Person A was running late due to weather. Person B called them when they were not in at their appointed time. Person B was not their supervisor. Person A had not told anyone they were running late and ended up arriving an hour after their start time.

Person B took it upon themselves to update this person’s timesheet with the new start time so when Person A came in, they found it changed. Both send emails to the director stating that they were upset the other had done what they did and saying they wanted to talk with their director at their next 1:1. This director has been out due to a family medical emergency and was not supposed to even be working.

The rest of the day, the director was bcc’ed on emails that became more passive aggressive with each successive email. I told the director to email both of them and say, “I am still off due to my serious family medical emergency. I need the two of you to stop emailing me and figure this out. You are both adults. Start acting like it.” Obviously that is sharper than most of us tend to write, but I am feeling very much done with this type of nonsense. I do not have the energy for this situation when staff should be able to work it out themselves. (Yes, I know that is a bit of a pipe dream)

Here is what I think on the whole situation:

1. Person B should not have changed Person A’s timecard. That was petty.
2. Person A should have notified someone that they were running late, especially because they were going to be quite a bit later than expected. That was inconsiderate.
3. Neither should have ramped up the situation and bothered the director who was out on leave. That was inconsiderate and petty.
4. This is 100% a communication issue and shows that many people have no clue how to communicate effectively.

As a director, it is exhausting to navigate these situations. And we are all pretty wrung dry from navigating the pandemic. While the vast majority of staff do behave responsibly and respect their coworkers, even having a few behave like this is too much. Could we just ask staff to stop acting like toddlers and behave like responsible, considerate adults?

Weather: A Director’s Dilemma

I love my job. I love the work of being a library director. But every job has parts that we don’t adore and handling weather situations is one I loathe…..despise….abhor. Give me a fallen patron with a gushing head wound or a truck running into the library building yet again, but please limit the amount of weather related decisions I have to make.

Box truck stuck under building after hitting it and setting off the fire suppression system (Was it the 4th or 5th time a truck hit our building that year? Maybe.)

I live in the midwest. Every year there is snow and cold and freezing and ice. If I had my druthers, I would stay home on those days, curled up with my cat, a good book, and a cup of tea gazing fondly out at the gently falling snow.

But I am a library director so instead I have sleepless nights and hours spent watching weather forecasts followed by grey sludge and lots of caffeine. My board has made it clear that whether we close or not is 100% my decision. Which is lovely, except that means that the decision and accompanying stress rests firmly on my shoulders. Oh, and there is always a ticking clock, letting you know that you only have so much time to make the decision before your maintenance staff will be getting into their cars and on the road to head in.

To try and make the decision easier, I developed Severe Weather Closings protocols. I would follow what the National Weather Service said and let their metrics and warnings guide me. And this worked to a point, but winter 2022 has brought a lot of lake effect snow and the meteorologists can’t seem to predict with any accuracy (well, that isn’t really new) what will happen and how bad the storms will be.

My lovely guidelines? Basically useless. A group of nearby library directors have a group text that lets us talk about what we are thinking about the weather sitch. That helps a lot and we all hate these decisions, but ultimately I am the one that has to make the final call for my library.

So what do you do? We have a responsibility to serve our patrons, but our staff are our most important asset and I would never want to put them in danger. When the national weather service says it is not safe to drive, that is easy. You close and enjoy a book and cup of tea while looking out on the snow. But what if the NWS says it is an advisory, not a warning, and that the morning commute will be longer, but say nothing about not making that commute?

I have lots of hair or you would see chunks of scalp from agonizing over this decision. This last time we stayed open. I felt such guilt though because for some of my staff it ended up taking them upwards of 2 hours to get to work instead of 20-30 minutes. I brought in treats and checked in on people, letting them know I appreciated their efforts to come in. But inwardly I was in knots (thank you Irish Catholic upbringing for instilling in me a deeply rooted belief that I must worry over everything).

Was it the right decision? It depends on who you ask. And I couldn’t tell you because I still am not 100% sure.

I am still working on how to have less anxiety/agony/guilt/stress over these decisions. This is a hard decision and there are too many factors to make an algorithm that will tell me what to do; much as I may wish for one. The best course of action is to make the best decision I can with the information available, keeping staff safety front and center in that process. If someone does ever develop an algorithm that will make the decision for me, send it my way. I will pay handsomely for it.

A Blog Restart

“There is nothing permanent except change.”
-Heraclitus (Greek philosopher, c. 535-c. 475 BCE)

It has been a decade since I stopped writing book reviews on this blog though I am still a voracious reader as evidenced by my Goodreads account.

I have now been a Public Library Director for 11 years. In the past decade, I have:

1. Written a book
2. Said goodbye to my mother who died from breast cancer
3. Led a library through a global health crisis
4. Managed (with varying levels of success) my decades long battle with anxiety and depression
5. Become Illinois Librarian of the Year
6. Written a 2nd book
7. Launched a statewide joint programming cooperative
8. Felt exhausted and more exhausted and burnt out and tired
9. Gone for many long walks with my husband to recharge and breathe

Looking ahead, I have hope that we will be able to leave COVID behind and focus on something else. With this hope in my heart, I am going to try something new……writing about what it is like to be a director and how I navigate the various decisions I have to make in my role. I feel strongly that libraries are institutions of lifelong learning and that librarians (and everyone else) should be lifelong learners as well. That is how we grow as people.

My hope is that in writing about how I make decisions I will not only shed light on what directors think through when making (sometimes) hard decisions, but reflect on my actions and learn from my mistakes in order to be a better leader for my staff.

DISCLAIMER: I am speaking as myself and not as a representative of any organization.

The Sixty-Eight Rooms by Marianne Malone

The Sixty-Eight Rooms is a magical tale set in Chicago in the present day.  On a field trip to the Art Institute, Ruthie and Jack discover a key that allows them to shrink down and explore the Thorn Rooms.  The Thorn Rooms are miniature rooms from different times and places in history.  Ruthie and Jack are thrilled just to explore the rooms, but they are even more excited when they discover that the rooms are actually portals that allow them to travel to different times in history.  But how does it all work?  And has anybody been in them before?  Ruthie and Jack put together the clues to unlock the secrets of the Thorn Rooms.  A very fun read and excellent on audio.  Great for fans of Indian in the Cupboard or From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.

 

Searching by Nora Roberts

I listened to this book and I quite enjoyed it on playaway.  It is the story of a woman who is still dealing with the scars of being almost abducted and killed by a serial killer.  He is now in jail, but someone else has decided to take the reins up where he left off.  Fiona has made a life for herself after what happened.  She teaches dog obedience classes while working as a volunteer for a canine rescue unit.  But when a new killer seems to target her, she will have to be braver than she has ever been.  Luckily, there is a new man in her life that should help her face her darkest fears.  This is a suspense novel, but also a love story between Fiona and Simon.

Courting Darkness by Yasmine Galenorn

This book is told through the eyes of Camille, a witch and sister of Delilah and Menolly.  She is happily married now to her three husbands, but that doesn’t mean she gets a break from hunting the bad guys.  She has a better control of her magic, but things can still go haywire.  But, when she is captured by her dragon husband’s father, her life will turn upside down.  Imprisoned and abused, Camille has no way to reach out to her husband’s or her friends.  But they are definitely searching for her.  It will be a battle of wills between Camille and her father-in-law.  Will she be strong enough to withstand him or will she wither under his abuse?

Blood Wyne by Yasmine Galenorn

In this book, we see the world from Menolly’s point of view.  As a vampire and former spy, she has many useful talents.  But this time, she may have to call on a higher power to help.  When ghosts start killing people, she must call on one of the Elder Fae for a favor.  But you can’t bargain with the Elder Fae and hope to leave unscathed.  However, Menolly is committed to helping the humans and paranormal in the world and to do that she must do everything in her power to stop the ghosts.  Add in a mega-hot girlfriend, a guy looking for more than just friends with benefits, and a middle aged vampire who is her daughter, and you have lots of complications.  Of course, her sisters are there to help, as always, and somehow she fill find a way to fix things.  Hopefully before someone really gets hurt.

Harvest Hunting by Yasmine Galenorn

Delilah, along with her two sisters, is trying to track down spirit seals to protect the world from an invasion of the Fae.  Life has been hard, but they have stuck together.  Delilah, a werecat and Death Maiden, is adjusting to her new duties and starts being trained to be a Death Maiden, the only one to ever do her work while still amongst the living.  She has bigger issues on her plate though, such as a magical drug that serves to turn wolves crazy.  What is nice about these books is that they tell the stories of the three sisters and each book showcases a different point of view.

Magic Slays by Ilona Andrews

Kate Daniels has a new job and a new life.  She is now mated to the Beast Lord and must perform new duties such as presiding over disputes and displaying her dominance.  But, an even bigger change is that she is now running her own business.  However, business has not been great.  When she is asked to do a job for the vampires, Kate thinks it will be a quick case, but it soon turns into something much more.  Once again Kate is embroiled in a battle between different types of creatures and she will need to use all of her wits and even her friends wits to figure it all out and save the day again.